MOHI"CANS"
The curse of the can is to wear a tawdry brown bag of shame. Canned cocktails are shit. Can beer is inferior. Good cocktails are made fresh. Beer tastes better on tap or even out of a bottle. This is the truth!
Let’s face it, the can is the redheaded stepchild of the low brow booze world. So why bother?
CONVENIENCE!
These ubiquitous vessels travel well. They are easily stacked and packaged, crushed and disappeared, shot gunned, renegaded, wizard staffed…
They’re a good fucking time.
Take some of these cans… What the fuck is a “Neon Burst?” I can only explain it as awful, yet knowing that probably makes me part of some very elite hobo gang, an esoteric heavily malted 1%.
Unless you’re drinking some shitty InBev product, don’t hide it! You’re probably less conspicuous without bringing the old bag along.
Cops won’t notice the small packaging difference between a can of Arnold Palmer or “Spiked” Arnold palmer. So many weird options, so many bright colors, that they’ve become practically impossible to distinguish from other drinks without closer analysis. The endless expansion of beverages has even brought alcoholic versions to many familiar brands.
A little late to the party for extorting drunks and children but alcohol is a deep well of money, problems, and depression…so…
WELCOME ABOARD!
A bottle is the better weapon but I have dropped someone by fastball pitching half a mancan into their face.
IT DOES THE JOB!
Do not forsake the can, make peace with. Learn to love it! Harden your metallic taste buds!
The skateboarder’s spirit animal is THE TALL BOY.
When you’re hungover and sick of drinking out of shitty cans, you must persevere! This is when you accidentally come upon the holy grail, a Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola. Don’t be scarrrrrrrred! Do not shy away.
BE SAVED.
